In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
