I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
