omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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