no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
