last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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