Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
