ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
