I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
