I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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