You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
