Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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