It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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