last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
