Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!

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(310): View more from California

My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra

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(260): View more from Indiana

Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?

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(914): View more from New York

Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.

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(573): View more from Missouri

My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time

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(716): View more from New York

Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood

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