I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
