i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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