Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Welp...herpes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
