Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
