How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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