Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
