One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
