im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
