I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
