so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
