I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
