Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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