I wanna passion pit in your ass
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
