It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
