yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
