My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were trust falling into bushes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
