Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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