I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
