I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
