I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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