The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
