Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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