What a fucking waste of an outfit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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