I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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