So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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