im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the day after is always just damage control
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
