good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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