am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
