That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
