I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
