You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
