Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
