Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
