in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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