I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
