Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
