My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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