I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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