next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
