I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pants are for mortals
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
