why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
