I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
