i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
