Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
