i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
