we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
