i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
