i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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