Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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