You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
