I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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