that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
