Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
