Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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