I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
