nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
