I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
