been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
