Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
