I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
