I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
