I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Help. Why am I so naked?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
