new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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