every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she peed on how many people?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
