Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
