Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
