My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
