I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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